Three Jokes

First joke
This joke sits uneasily with these others – it is intended for children. My seven-year-old son read this joke in a magazine and laughed heartily even though he had no idea what the joke was.

Q: What did the cat do when he ate some cheese?

A: He waited by a mouse-hole with baited breath.

Not bad for the genre of seven-year-old humor.

Second joke
Last night we were walking around a furniture store and they were playing an old Bangles tune from twenty years ago. I remember them. A girl band, to be sure, but Susanna Hoffs was a babe. And they had a few hits: Manic Monday, Walk Like An Egyptian, and my favorite: If She Knew What She Wants (He’d be giving it to her). That song had easily the best double entendre in pop music.

I remember hearing the lyrics and thinking it was just a stupid girl song. It seemed to be about a girl who was taking advantage of a guy who was "crazy about this girl". And then I heard it again:

If she knew what she wants
(He'd be giving it to her)

I wondered, “Are they talking about that?

If she knew what she needs
(He could give her that too)

“Indeed, it is about that.”

And indeed there were lots of you men who while looking at close-ups of Hoffs were dreaming of “Giving it to her, giving it to her, giving it to her, yeah!”

Third joke
This one-liner is perhaps the best spontaneous retort ever. I remembered it while reading this post by Greatbong about the remake of Basic Instinct. I’ll just copy what I wrote in his comments:

The all-time best joke that I recall concerning the Basic Instinct movie was from the Late Show starring David Letterman (this was early 1990s). Sharon Stone came on and joked about her role and the infamous scene (which I never saw btw) in which she doesn’t where jettie and the camera see all the way up to her acting ability. She referred to it (inexplicably) as “seeing all the way up to Nebraska.”

Letterman quipped, “Nebraska? I thought Oregon.”

I didn’t catch the joke at the time but years later when I read some info about New Mexico. I already knew that its slogan was the “Land of Enchantment” which makes absolutely no sense. But a little devilish voice made me want to know what Oregon’s state motto was.

Bingo!

Talk about getting a joke years later. One time in my life where ROFL was appropriate.